Exclusive Apology Letter from President Morsi

My latest on the Times of Israel.  Enjoy!

Yesterday, it was reported that Egyptian president Mohammed Morsi reportedly implied that the Jews control the US media and have distorted comments he made in the past about Zionists being “bloodsuckers” and “descendants of apes and pigs.”

In a Times of Israel exclusive, here is an official letter just received by President Morsi.

To the admirable President Peres:

Shalom/salaam from Cairo.

It has come to my attention that a video recently surfaced of me calling Jews and Zionists “bloodsuckers” and “the descendants of apes and pigs.”

I would like to clear the air immediately and make it understood — in no uncertain terms — that some of my best friends are apes and pigs.  It is most regrettable that this has happened between two nations who have been operating under a peace agreement for over thirty years (especially because I thought I had changed my video’s settings to “private”.)

I have been humbled by this misunderstanding and have already learned many a lesson since taking office.  For example, I have learned that while apes and pigs have no sense of humor, they command great dexterity at operating Youtube.

I do not in fact believe that this incident was a result of Zionist news bias as was insinuated, although you must admit that the Jews do hold a disproportionate control over the media, especially in Israel.

I do hope we can put this most regrettable incident behind us and move forward as allies and partners.

In conclusion, I offer my apologies for believing that Jews descended from unicorns pixies duck-billed platypus Captain Hook apes and pigs.

Respectfully yours,

President Mohammed Morsi

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