Hello, my loyal readers! Can you feel the new year coming? Are you excited? ARE YOU EXCITED?!?!?!
I’m excited and I’ll tell you why: because in 5771, anything will be possible. Arabs can make peace with Jews. Cats and dogs can eat shawarma in harmony. Obnoxious grandmothers can cut in line with no fear of getting a much-deserved punch in the solarplexus.
And why do you ask? What reason can I possibly give to have you believe that in 5771, everything will go together like peas and carrots?
Two words, my dear friends:
It will be ok. It HAS to! Want proof? Just look at this news story.
Patient saved after dentist drops object down her trachea
(cough) I BEG YOUR PARDON?
A five-centimeter-long metal dental prosthesis bridge recently fell into the trachea and lungs of a 60-year-old Haifa woman while she was undergoing treatment from an inattentive dentist, who assured her that she swallowed it and that it would emerge at the other end of her gastrointestinal system without incident.
“Dohn’t woh-ry! Thees heppens all deh time! End eef not? WHO GEEVS EH SHEET? WE AHR ALL GOH-EENG TO DIE EHNEEWAY!!!!!!!!!! B’SEDEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!”
“The danger was huge,” said Dr. Michal Steinberg, who works in Carmel’s emergency department. “The bridge could have caused a great deal of damage. We removed it at the last minute before it did.”
Clearly the daughter of Anglos.
Dina is recovering and will be discharged soon. “I am grateful to the Carmel staff and happy that it had a happy ending,” she said.
See, people? Everybody’s happy like chocolate shawarma. Yiyeh b’seder! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go perform open heart surgery and drop a monkey wrench in someone’s aorta. YIYEH B’SEDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!