Oh Hell, How Can I Not Blog from Ben-Gurion?

Did you see this post? Go read it.

Free wireless, baby! There’s a reason this went in my 61 things list this year. How can America charge 8 bajillion dollars for wireless? I hate that. And seriously, Tom Friedman mentioned this once, and it’s true. It’s a travesty that they charge you for luggage carts in the US, especially when you’ve just arrived from an international flight. “Welcome to our country! Now fork over 3 dollars, *&$holes.”

(On an aside, I’ve never gotten the hieroglyphics or even bleeping of words on TV. Is there anyone who can’t identify the word above? What exactly does this accomplish? If you’re confused about the above paragraph, I was calling airport employees pinholes. “Mantis-flicking pinholes!!!”)

So I just got a bagel and eggs breakfast at McDonald’s. Even though I was the only one in line, it took at least five minutes to bring my food. I don’t know what to think: am I annoyed because it’s not nearly as fast as in America or am I excited because there’s a decent chance that they actually just cooked the food? The eggs were all broken apart on the bagel, as opposed to the American fast food omelette which only has straight lines. When my eggs have a shape, I’m pretty sure they’re not healthy (or real).

See that yellow stuff? Yeah, that.
Eat it. I dare you.

While waiting for my real eggs, I took the liberty of doing what any Western immigrant would do: reading the menu to laugh at the spelling. Here’s the difference between new and veteran immigrants. New immigrants laugh at simple typos. “Oh look, they spelled ‘burger’ with an O. Tee hee!” Veteran immigrants, man, we’re sophisticated. I’m tickled pink by this description: “Enlarging Fries or Potato Wedges in a Meal to Large”. That’s right. This is the first restaurant in history to have a gerund on their menu. Weird word choice perhaps but not shameful. Here’s shameful: why in G-d’s name would you be selling “McNaggets” while two columns over, YOU ARE SELLING “McNuggets”? WHY???? Dudes! You got it right! Just cheat off yourself!

Veteran immigrants also feel good for understanding why the typos are what they are. Because in this case, the nun has the ah vowel sound under it like in the word “Mom” as opposed to the vowel sound in the word “Dad”. So maybe it’s more easily explainable….but that doesn’t make it ok.

I have another hour till I board…maybe I’ll go back and read more. I have yet to find a menu with three different spellings of the same word. If I ever do, I will take a picture, post it, and shut down this blog forever because it will never get any better than that.

Last thing because there’s never a dull moment from Ben-Gurion: are you guys “teesah n’eemah” people (nice flight) or “nesiya tovah” people (good trip)? I feel like you’re either one or the other. I’m totally a nesiya tovah guy but I wonder if I should experiment a bit.


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