I Just Read the Entire Torah. NOW What To Do?

It’s 4:51 in the freaking morning. CHAG SHAVUOT SAMEACH! I wonder if my 2:15 AM coffee has anything to do with my being awake? It’s not like I can’t sleep, I’m actually getting a ton of stuff done. At 4:51 in the freaking morning, you don’t worry about style and flow. Get ready, people, we’re going straight to bullet points.

  • Here is the definitive comparative statement you can make about the relationship between Jerusalem and Tel Aviv: Last night, Tel Aviv stayed up all night partying. Tonight, Jerusalem stays up all night learning. What else you wanna know?
  • More about TA: last night was Laila Lavan (“White Night”), an all-night party in honor of Tel Aviv being recognized by UNESCO as a World Heritage Site. I probably arrived at Rothschild Boulevard around 9 and the place was PACKED for hours. That had to have been the most crowded I’ve seen any place in this country for such an extended period of time.
Not only is this the number of years since the founding of Tel Aviv, it’s also the number of teenagers per square foot who were out last night.
There were tons of exhibits and people in character like this American immigrant couple from the 1950s. They made me stand sideways on a wall to take their picture. (B’ima sheli, why will iPhoto not SAVE a rotated picture? Am I dreaming? Is it not working because it’s chag? Where are my Mac users??? And since when did Americans dress like this in the 50s? That dude looks nothing like Marty McFly.)

  • It was unclear what many of these characters were doing. There was a lot of effort put into the exhibits, for example, one guy suspended up in the air on some kind of chair, doing I really don’t remember what, with let’s say 100 people standing around watching without any kind of explanation of what we were looking at. Even as I was having a great time, I couldn’t help think about how a little more effort would be put in in America to make clear what the hell we were looking at (I feel like this happens sometimes.) C’mon, Israel, just go a little further. If you’re going to invest so much time, space, and money on something, I just think you should spend 1% extra to make the other 100% actually worth it.

After a late night, what’s better than breakfast at Benedict’s? Here’s a clue: two words….sounds like “shafuch gadol”? Piece of unsolicited advice-I don’t care how badly you want it, just don’t order any food even slightly Mexican in Israel. I know, we all crave it sometimes. Just trust me. (Not great excuse for huevos rancheros not in picture. What is with these superlong captions? Something about 5:21 AM maybe…)

  • Now going back in time….Beta Pizza rocks. It reminds me of eating late-night pizza on 6th Street in college. I have no idea….is this place even open before 2 AM? Because I never seem to eat it any earlier than that. Remember my first year here when I ate more falael and shawarma than pizza? Me too.
  • This morning at Benedict’s: first of all, they had something which included “egg balls.” That resulted in at least 7 jokes. My friend Amalia also noted the Morroccan shakshuka which contained bacon and shrimp, causing “1000 Morroccan grandmothers to roll in their graves.”
  • Back to back 5 AM nights….that’s like Michael Jordan going for 50 in consecutive games. He did do this, didn’t he? I really hope I don’t pull this at camp. If so, it probably means some kid lit a bunk on fire.
  • Aaaaaaaaaaaand….it’s Shavuot. As I’ve written in the past, in a study which I won’t bother linking to, a high incidence of lactose intolerance was discovered among North American Jews, similar to findings in Jewish communities in Israel. Remind me not to get into a car with anyone until this holiday is over. I should have bought stock in Lactaid. After returning from dinner at a friend’s in Rosh Ha’ayin (outside TA), I slept for the 45 minute sheirut ride back to Jerusalem before saying “ahh, screw it” and dragging my tired butt to my friend Yehoshua’s for the Shavuot experience. Learning late-night Torah, I mean, not eating a cheesecake. I managed to stay for about an hour before having enough. He did a good job of dropping some Jewish knowledge on me but as always, 30 seconds into any kind of text study, my eyes start rolling in the back of my head as I go through one of fifty bajillion thoughts completely unrelated to the text at hand.
“And the Rambam said……………..”
(hey, I wonder who’s winning the game tonight?)

  • As for tomorrow, looks like we have a lunch on tap, followed by a very important nap. Man, Tel Aviv and Jerusalem sure are different. That’s kind of like saying “man, Hezbollah and Tweety Bird sure are different.” But when you have two days like these back to back, you feel it even more. I’ve been telling people (since I’m asked 45,000 times a day) that Jerusalem ain’t bad and that I am in fact enjoying my experience here. But again, when it comes to the all-important “fun” category, there is NO comparison. Much like there’s no comparison in the “religion and spirituality” department. Unless Benedict’s Morroccan shakshuka brings you closer to G-d.
  • And wasn’t there some kind of Laila Lavan in Jerusalem a week or two ago? I had completely forgotten. But aside from Macy Gray and whoever else was in concert…seriously, was there anything??? My friend Ziv joked that in Laila Lavan in Jerusalem, people actually stay up till 10 PM. Good one. Heh heh. Sorry, Jerusalem.

I fly to the States in less than one week which is both soon and crazy. For that, you get a 5 AM post. I guess I’ll go to bed now. I sure hope my trisim are closed.

No Comments

Post A Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.