Live Blogging Cleaning My Room

Boy, if that doesn’t get you excited, my loyal readers, I don’t know what will. Don’t the words “Live Blogging” just make your heart go aflutter? (What is the most mundane thing someone could “live blog?” Nothing makes me click on a link faster than “Live Blogging Toenail Clipping”. How about “Live Blogging Cell Division”? I really need to get back to work. Anyway…

Random thoughts while packing my room for the big move….

• B’ima sheli….why in the world did I bring ties to Israel? Thanks a lot, Nefesh B’Nefesh. Instead of giving me a tax calculator for a married person living in Metulla, how about a little fashion advice? I am seriously staring at a box of at least four ties. How many times have I needed to wear a tie since my aliyah 2+ years ago? Let’s just say I’ve worn a tie approximately as many times as I’ve seen a rat scurry across the floor of the Super Zol Gvirol grocery store (that would be ONE). I’m guessing I must have worn one once but I honestly can’t remember when. Maybe not.

  In fact, upon closer investigation, I just had to PEEL one tie off a dressy belt which apparently I also haven’t worn in 2 years. Ech omrim “somebody get me the Salvation Army on the phone”? If you see someone near the tachana merkazit (central bus station) looking good, you’ll know why. (For those of you who don’t know, “b’ima sheli” should not be translated directly as “in my mother.” It actually means….well, I don’t know what the hell it means but my boss says it all the time in this context and it makes me laugh. Something to the effect of “for the love of G-d!”, perhaps? Commenters?)

• I just came across Season 1 of “30 Rock.” Why aren’t there Israeli sitcoms? My 2/3rds Israeli, 1/3 American comedian friend Tal tried to explain it once. Something about Israeli viewers not being willing to suspend their disbelief….maybe because this country is too small and everybody knows everybody? I don’t remember. (I don’t remember a lot of things, including where my camera charger is and why I still buy huge bags of Bissli Grill every couple of months and expect myself not to go through the whole thing in 15 minutes like Scarface doing lines of coke.)

“Say che-llo to my lee-tel friend!”

• Seriously, Bank Leumi, I don’t need a statement mailed to me every time I nonchalantly glance at an ATM. I made 5 withdrawals last month and killed 583 trees. JNF, don’t just stand there…DO SOMETHING!
• I mentioned the need to write a post about this here but B’IMA SHELI, it’s unbelievable how quickly a floor gets dusty in Tel Aviv. High-tech and hafuch aside, we are definitely in a desert. I look forward to not cleaning my floor just like the person before me didn’t clean it. What, you expect me to go through this again? (One of my all-time favorites…I think that was the post that started it all. And when I mean “it”, I really mean my addiction to my Sitemeter traffic stats. Thanks, Sitemeter, for ruining my life.)
• A friend who moved back to the States left me “Jewish Cooking for Dummies.” Every time I think about throwing away books, I think of Nazis and how there’s something wrong with trashing books, whether it’s by burning or tossing in the garbage. And if you’re wondering how I jumped from the first to second sentence in this paragraph, let me show my work: “WHAT THE *$#@ AM I GOING TO DO WITH “JEWISH COOKING FOR DUMMIES???” B’IMA SHELI!!!

Can we agree that the “…For Dummies” series has gotten out of control?

I bought an Israeli co-worker “Defensive Driving for Dummies”
but he accidentally ran over it.

B’ima sheli, I think I’m done for now.