I Haven’t Had Chumus in a Week and I’m Starting to Shake

Hello, my loyal readers! Have you missed me? Six days in, Part I of my trip is over and I’m now in Texas, having spent three days in Atlanta. Before we jump right in:

1) I’m leaving my apartment. If you want an amazing deal, see here.
2) I’m “competing” in the JobMob guest blogger contest. Click here to read “An Idiot’s Guide to Finding a Job in Israel”. I’ll be oh so grateful.

Now…some thoughts from the United States (because that’s where I am):

  • Because of the timing of my flights and when I picked up my rental car, I had to arrive at the airport four hours before my flight to Texas in order to avoid paying for an extra day for my car. Thank goodness for the TVs at the gates.Hey, did you hear there was a hurricane? Jesus, CNN and the like have no problem covering the same story over and over and over again which is fine when there’s actually something new to report. After the first straight hour of Hurricane Gustav coverage the other day, I was about to throw the TV out the window. The “new news” is that while Gustav has left, Hurricanes Hannah, Ike, and Josephine are all on the way. How can there be so many? Are they Hassidic?!? While unreported by the mainstream media, Gustav apparently followed Dovid, Ephraim, and Faige.

    Fortunately Israel is pretty much immune to those types of natural disasters. What would an Israeli hurricane be like? “Dees jahst een. Hurricane Idan has hit the Mediterranean coast. While rezeedents were slow to evacuate, they were spared when Idan slept till noon on Saturday.”

The ehhh of the storm.
  • Of course I wouldn’t have to watch so much CNN if the wireless internet at the airport didn’t cost EIGHT dollars. My fellow Americans, I’d like to introduce to you to the word “freier.” And no, I DON’T mean me. No way was I paying that (although I have been spending a lot of time at Starbucks where you can receive two free hours of wifi a day by keeping a balance on your Starbucks card.) If the Iraqis can dream of democracy, I guess Americans can dream of free wireless.
  • Speaking of drinking coffee, here is me every time I come to America: “Wait, how do you say ‘hafuch’ in English? Is that a latte?”
  • I had almost forgotten about one of the most annoying jingles in the history of television. Shortly after it finished, I shoved a hot iron poker in my eye.
  • Hey, kids! Here’s something fun about the US of A! I love shooting the shawarma with customer service people like, say, the airline people behind the counter, especially giving them a pre-emptive “how YOU doing today?” before they can even ask me. If they ask me first, I one-up them and raise the chipperness by a factor of ten.Retail Lady: “Good morning, how are you today?”
    Me: “I’M FANTASTIC! HOW ARE YOU TODAY???” Then we play “ring around the rosy” and do a conga line.
  • Like I said before about airport security: Repeat after me, TSA people…if Israel doesn’t do it, no one should. Why in the world do you arrive at Atlanta’s international airport, only to go through security coming INTO the country, claim your luggage, and have it taken away from you to RE-claim it at the baggage claim? So annoying. Wearing flip-flops does make the security check much easier when you have to take off your shoes. Thanks, Richard “Shoe Bomber” Reid for being a real pain in the tooseek to billions of flyers a year. One guy ruins it for everyone. So if I attack a pilot with a laptop, will they not allow those either? How about vomit bags?

More later….I’m going to bed. Laila tov, America. Boker tov, Israel!

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