Live Blogging the Pre-Flight

I just wanted to use the words “live blogging.” Here I am in the atrium looking all important on my laptop. (If holding a shawarma in one hand while looking at ESPN looks important.) No time for graphics….WE HAVE A FLIGHT TO CATCH!

I just checked in incredibly quickly. I love the post-aliyah Israel flight interrogations. I was all ready to kick ass and take names with my Hebrew, and the Q&A seriously lasted all of 30 seconds max. She asked who packed my bags, where I live, and then told me that I had lost weight. The hilarity of that didn’t hit me until 15 minutes later. If you want to see “Fat Benji” (relative), I can tell you stories of New York pizza and bagels while you look at my teudat zehut (ID card). And by the way, I was absolutely not at all phased by the weight comment. That’s what makes this country great. I’m probably one degree removed from that woman on Facebook. (Hey, if you’re one degree removed from someone, does that mean you have one person between you or does it mean you know them?)

I’m both awed and baffled by El Al and all Israeli airline security. No x-raying my bag, no opening them, nothing; straight to check-in. How does that work? By the same token, going through security took THIRTY SECONDS. No taking off shoes, no random checks of 87 year-old women…the rule should be “if the Israelis don’t do it, neither do we.” Meanwhile, I fully expect to have a TSA representative’s hands on my crotch once I take a domestic flight in America because clearly I look Saudi. Just call me Abu Lovitt.

So apparently I’m a silver medallion member despite not flying Delta for a year. What does that mean? I can take THREE bags internationally, each with a 32 KG limit! Holy falafel balls! That would have been nice to know before I packed a total of three pairs of socks. Whatever-it’s nice to pack light (any readers in Atlanta have extra socks?) SuperTarget, here I come…

I just heard this announcement: “This is the last boarding call for our flight to Georgia.” So either I’m about to miss my flight, or somebody is really flying into a war zone. Has anyone registered WhatWarZone.ge yet? Something else for me to do during my vacation.

That’s it for now…time to walk around.

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