Tonight, I’m off to chul* for 3 weeks to see family and friends. I’ve heard that each trip over the years becomes progressively weirder and weirder which I believe already. While I am excited to walk about SuperTarget with my jaw on the floor, I’m also waiting for someone to go nuts when I put my fork back in the serving bowl. (There is also a 74.9% chance that this person will raise children with peanut allergies. Do those even exist in Israel?)
Yes, America is weird. I mean, I suppose every country is weird but I didn’t realize it as much until I moved here. Which means that despite everything you have read here for the last 49 weeks, I will probably spend the next 3 weeks making fun of the lines of zombies who drink the burned coffee at Starbucks, the fake and overfriendly salesman at the Gap, and the people who write editorials in local or Jewish newspapers saying that Israel MUST do so-and-so while I think, “Dude, what the HELL are you talking about?” It should be interesting. Details and posts to come.
I somehow missed them in the closing ceremonies.
So I just checked my email and got a pre-flight email from Delta. Do you know that you can see which movies are on your flight before you even take off? HOLY SHNITZEL FRY! Who needs Ambien?, I’ll be watching every movie I missed over the past year. (Is there going to be an intermission? If so, I’ll be smoking a cigarette in the bathroom.)
Here’s what I saw when I checked the movies. So what the hell is Israel? Are we considered Europe and South America? Or Africa? On another site I looked at yesterday, we were considered Asia. If this means I’m getting “Kung Fu Panda” over “Pineapple Express”, I’m going to scream at somebody. Because I hear that works here.
Take care of this place when I’m gone, people. Can someone go by my apartment and sweep up the desert dust that accumulates every three days? This really warrants its own post.
*Chul: Kids on Leashes!