‘Workin’ 9 to 5! What a Way to Make A….Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh’

Some more work-related thoughts after a long day, wondering when I’m going to write about Yom Ha’atzmaut…

  • Is there anything more annoying on the planet than looking down at your fingers, hunting and pecking for the Hebrew letters to type a word, looking up and realizing you were in English the whole time? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t even have a joke here. I find this about as funny as an infected toenail.
  • How long does it take to get used to Hebrew Windows really? Five? Six thousand years? It’s like using a computer in front of the mirror, looking for the little “X” on the wrong side of the screen while trying to close a window.
  • I LOVE how Israelis eat. Just kills me and I’m not making fun this time. I saw someone in my building last week start eating a whole pepper in her hand, as if it were an apple. Has any American in recorded history done such a thing? A whole Big Mac, maybe. Same thing goes for a cucumber.
  • It’s taking me forever to find the appropriate person in my company-wide address book. I’m rounding of course but I’m fairly certain there are 16 bajillion Keren’s in the office.
  • Sitting in someone’s office last week, her cell phone starts to ring with…any guesses as to the ringtone? No, not this one. How about “The Muppet Show”? I start looking around…nobody even flinches. I turn the other way in shock and disbelief. No one looks up. Am I dreaming? DOES ANYONE HERE HAVE ANY CONCEPT ABOUT WHAT WE’RE LISTENING TO??? You’re really pushing 50 paying homage to Fozzie Bear on your pelephone?

 

Ok, this happened in my last job and I witnessed it again Friday at Dizengoff Center to my disbelief. What in the world is with the women cleaners in this country who decide to go into the mens’ bathrooms and start mopping the floor WHILE THEY ARE SURROUNDED BY MEN GOING TO THE BATHROOM? What is the appropriate action to take at that time? Who should be more embarrassed, them or us? Do they even CARE? Should WE? Should I show up in this woman’s house and start painting her walls while she’s having relations with her husband? When she starts to shriek, I’ll just say “yiyeh b’sedeeeeeeeeeeeeer!”

First-time readers, don’t run away. I promise it gets better. Did I mention it’s past midnight?

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