THIS IS WAR, YOU BASTARDS

Only one week ago, I wrote about the tendency for people to mispronounce my name here. Apparently “the gods” did not look favorably on this post and have decided to wage all-out war on me.

I got my first tlush maskoret (salary statement) last week from work. Here’s part of it.


Don’t see anything fishy? Let’s take a closer look at the employee’s name, shall we?Are you freaking kidding me? Forget the fact they spelled my last name wrong. Americans, I’ll help you out. In case you can’t tell the difference between בנג’י and בנגיי, one is a nickname for Benjamin and the other targets deep, penetrating heat right at the source of your pain so you can get the relief you need.

This analgesic heat rub is sold by Johnson & Johnson and currently
holds down a job in Herzliya Pituach.

This is the biggest professional slap since this incident described to my friends 8 years ago.

Date: Fri, 17 Dec 1999 10:33:39
From: “Benjamin Lovitt”
Subject: Reason number 832 why I hate my job: the X-Mas bonus
To:

Dear Bosses,
Very funny, you bastards. Like I really need a $35 gift certificate to the Honey Baked Ham store for X-Mas. That’s going to do my Jewish ass a lot of good.

When we do the gift swap at the company party and you get a box of matza from me, you’ll know why.

Benji

I guess it could be worse. I could be this guy.

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