Tuesday Israeli Hottie #1

Ah, what the heck? Inspired by this post, why not kick off the Tuesday Israeli Hottie series with this story?

Remember that Sizzlean commercial from the 80s? “Move over, bacon! There’s something meatier!” (Sorry, Israelis, you had two channels.)

Well, there’s someone new in town, my loyal readers, and you may be seeing more of her in the future. Goodbye, talentless biotch formerly known as Bar…hello, Moran Atias. (Ok, so she’s not graced with the best name for success in America, but what can you do? It’s acceptable here and right up there on the list of “Worst Names for an Israeli in America” with Osnat and Dudu. That’s the equivalent of someone naming their daughter Shilshula and making aliyah.) According to this story, Moran is the one of the six finalists to be the next Bond girl and the last remaining Israeli. Hey, very exciting.

From the writers who brought you Pussy Galore…Tseetseem Goldshtein! Through an internet leak, I’ve actually managed to liberate a script from a recent casting call with Moran and Daniel Craig…here it is:

Girl: “Oh, Meester Bond! You ahr so handsome…and so dan-gehr-ous!
Bond: “Well, Tseetseem, you have to be in this job.”
Girl: “Oh, Meester Bond! I want to lahv you!
Bond: “Well, why don’t we go back to your place and I can show you some more of my cool gadgets?”
Girl: “B’seder! I should tell you though that I leev at home and my brah-ther is home from deh army…

Whatever happens with this role, Moran is already lined up to star in an upcoming Judd Apatow flick (the guy who brought us “Knocked Up”, “Superbad”, “The 40 Year-Old Virgin,” and more. And you’re not going to believe the plot.)

As for that other Israeli model: it seems that she and Leo have gone their separate ways. (For a second there, I thought about linking to a certain Journey video.) Nice career move, woman.

4:04 PM “Yisrael sucks!”
4:05 PM Gets dumped on her ass
4:06 PM Frantically calls publicist, realizing that her life has peaked at 21

In other news, she still hasn’t called yet. When she realizes that I control her career through Google, oh believe me…she’ll call.

Thanks to Dave and Shara for the lead.

Come back next Tuesday for more Israeli hotties! You never know, ladies, it could be a guy.

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