”On your mark…get set…relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax”

Good evening, my loyal readers; I invite you to sit back, relax, and get comfy. I haven’t posted in a week or so, you never know when my next update will be, so you might as well enjoy this one. And why relax? Because things take time in this country, I’m finding. Israelis often tell me that America is the land of convenience, known for fast food, delivery of anything to your house, and unlimited hot water. (Seriously, how crazy is Netflix? Ten years ago, the internet was young and dominated by those ridiculous “Top 500 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate” emails. Today? You can get “V: The Final Battle” delivered to your mailbox! Along with FreshDirect, is there even any reason to leave home anymore?)

I’m finding that things take tiiiiiiiiiiiiime here. Remember those days in the Diaspora, olim, when you could wash AND DRY your clothes on a Saturday morning? Or even, gasp, stain an article of clothing and have it cleaned by day’s end, ready to wear that night? Laundry day turns into laundry week when waiting three days for your clothes to dry on the clothesline.

I suppose the lifestyle causes you to be more laid back and patient. Want to drink a cup of hot tea like an Israeli? If you’re like me, you might want to clear your schedule first. Is it only in the Middle East that tea is served at 400 degrees Kelvin? I went out to eat last night with my friend who proceeded to order a cup of tea. The cup sat for 20 minutes before she could take her first sip. I could GROW tea in that time!

“Would you like some tea? Go ahead and heat up the water, I’m going to finish my thesis first. (pause) No, I haven’t started yet. Drop the bag, I’ll have my abstract done in no time…”

America is the birthplace of fast food. Food, thank goodness, is healthier here and takes a bit longer to eat. Americans, have you eaten a pomela before? Jesus! I started one on Tu B’Shvat and should be done after Purim. Is it any wonder that no one eats them in the States? Americans would give up after 5 minutes of peeling and return to their Playstations.

“What time do you want to get together Tuesday night? Well, I’m eating a pomela at 8. I should be done peeling at by 9. I’m sure I’ll be done eating by 10 but the cleaning crew won’t be done mopping the floor till midnight…”

Israel’s most impressive feat ever? Winning a war six days. SIX DAYS??? In six days, I’m just finishing my whites and coloreds. I just tried to upload this and am staring at the hourglass. No worries, I have all the time in the world. At least until my tea cools off…

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