”Following the game…it’s ‘Welcome Back, Kotter’ ”

So last night was the Super Bowl. Incredibly enough, I managed to miss an entire football season without experiencing cardiac arrest. Nevertheless, I decided that if I missed the championship game, I might as well revoke my American citizenship the next day. When faced with the prospect however of watching the game with all of my Year Course kids at Mike’s Place, I opted to watch it at my friend Ari’s place. Unfortunately, I dropped the ball: this Super Bowl bash was void of caffeine, salt, or hops. I haven’t been that ill-prepared since Erev Y2K. (Two hours before kickoff, I called a local pizza place to place an order. I hung up approximately 1.3 seconds after they told me they only had one size, extra large. If you’re the owner of this establishment, isn’t it in your best interests to just call it “regular?”)

After getting about an hour of sleep, I woke up for the 1:25 AM kickoff and tuned into METV, Middle East Television, pumped up for not only the big game, but the annual coming-out party for the year’s biggest commercials. Umm, I don’t want to offend the program directors over at METV, but what in G-d’s name is WITH that channel? Do the people running METV know that it’s 2007? They’re choosing their shows as if they’re the only frequency in town. As I wrote before, the first time they aired the black and white commercial for “Lassie”, I kept waiting for the punchline, like for Diddy to run out with a bottle of Pepsi. WHERE ARE THE REAL COMMERICALS??? If the Bears scored a point for every time METV showed Bill Cosby getting punched in the chest, they would have won. Please tell me that one of my loyal readers caught that. What the hell was THAT clip from???

According to the METV link above, the station originally had its roots in Lebanon. No wonder Nasrallah is so pissed off. You’d be angry too if you were subjected to Arnold Horshack five nights a week. If anyone in the Knesset is reading this, it’s not about our right to exist. It’s about satisfying the all-important 18-49 demographic!

If anyone in the government wants my opinion, you know where to find me. Meanwhile, please excuse me while I return to the TV. Tootie’s on in five.

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